The freakin rat had to die today. Dammit.. !!

Ans:   If we jumped into our pants simultaneously placing both legs in at one time, we would land heavily on the ground. As a majority of us are getting dressed at the same time of the morning, the cumulative effect would Cause an earth tremor. Due to the use of time zones, the tremor established In Eastern Time would arrive in the central zone at precisely the moment all those people were jumping into their pants. The tremor would increase in size exponentially, and proceed west to combine with the mountain zone folks as they get dressed. As this cycle encircles the globe, it would feed upon the next day’s Tremor and eventually cause the earth’s crust to break apart and float into space. This is why we put our pants on one leg at a time. :)  …     Now a rejoinder from our side.. !!       

That is also why skirts were invented. However this plan nearly failed after it was found that the tight skirts made the girls jump while wearing them thus defeating their purpose. To work around this problem skirts are now made shorter to maintain the stability of the earths crust. As population increases the length has to be continually decreased to keep everything in balance. Scientists are “closely” monitoring the situation. ..

There was this lady from Madras,
Who had a really beautiful ass,
It was not round and pink,
As you might think,

It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass! 

Aye, you’ve got a dirty mind, jackass. 

 ”Mumbai beggars worth Rs 180 crore  Press Trust Of  India

    Posted Thursday , July 20, 2006 at 11:39

Mumbai: Beggars in Mumbai earn Rs 180 crore a year, the state legislative council was informed on Wednesday.Stating this in the House, Minister of State for Social Justice Dharmaraobaba Atram said amendments will be made in existing rules to curb beggars’ activities in the city.Vilas Awchat of Shiv Sena,, who raised the issue through a short discussion, said according to the provisions of legislation enacted in 1959 to curb begging, those who sought relief for people affected by disasters could also be prosecuted.

Once this flaw was realised, necessary amendments were made, he said.The number of beggars in Mumbai, which was 20,000 in 1963, rose to three lakh in 2004, he said.

I have read of isolated cases even earlier. But these kind of figures really are an eye-opener. And these are just Government figures mind you. And that too only for the city of Mumbai. It is sad that even giving alms to the poor has been made into an organised form of fooling people. There maybe lots of needy families out there on the streets. But after knowing this, we will definitely think thrice before helping them in any manner. For all we know, the so-called beggar can buy-off a new gizmo for himself before you can even hope for it.. ;P !!

[     Once a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money. Suddenly an idea struck him.

 He told the beggar, "I do not have money, But if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you."

"I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar.

The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of  tea". He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.

The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."

The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".

The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".

The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course. Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".

 As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."

Suddenly the man felt relieved !!

"Well",said the man,"I'm not going to give you the money.Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my wife and myself tonight".

The beggar was astounded and his face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you. wont your wife be furious with you for doing that?".

The man replied................................................. 

"Nah.. Thats okay. Its important for my wife to see how a man with no Bad habits looks like."  ... ]

  ….. Lol.. 

[        A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner. The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked.

"No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going t o take you out for dinner with my husband and myself tonight.

The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine." ]  ….

      Cant beat ‘em in twisting the arms.. rite!!.. ;P

Just makes me think of the huge number of people who leave their homes in the hope of making it worthwhile in life. Its not easy for them to leave their loved ones and go off to an entirely unknown territory.Just carrying their hopes of making it big. And when something extremely unfortunate like this happens, it does make us wonder about it all. Not just students, there are a whole lot of people who go off long distances to make a career. This is surely not the way it should end.

My Boss at work has vowed never to leave office early again to watch a match. He was hopping mad after the loss.I dare the players to come meet him.. ;P .  The worst part is the news from the Mumbai Income tax commissioner the other day on TV that some business houses in collusion werein a long way responsible in deciding who all should be part of the team. Seems, there are lots of things that happen behind the scenes that we wouldn’t even be aware of in normal situations. Its a sad commentary on the way things have always been let to happen around us. We have only ourselves to blame.

Btw, there is the Annual aero-show in B’lore on 7-11 Feb. Planning to go for it over that weekend. They’ll have both static and Flying displays of variety of aircrafts. I guess it’ll be fun to watch..